Honduras: Day 11

Day 11 was the hardest day of the trip. It was the day I couldn't hold back the tears anymore and they just came out. A lot of them. There were many times on the trip that I was sad and I felt like crying, but I held it in. While I was sad for the people and situations, it didn't necessarily mean that they were sad. They don't know that living in a one room cinder block house with a few hammocks inside and a dirt floor is not what everyone in the world has as a home. They smile and are happy and joyful.

We were told at the beginning of the trip that each village we visited would be more poverty stricken than the one the day before. Each day it was hard for me to imagine something worse than what I was seeing, but I knew that living on an island would present additional challenges to life than those who had access to water, markets, and transportation.

When we first arrived near the village, we were on the shore and could see children diving off boats anchored in the water, men and women unloading the fish, sharks and stingrays off their boats and cleaning them right there on the shore.

We were immediately greeted by children that stayed with us until we were back on this shore to leave the island. They weren't with us because they were told to be, they were there because we could offer them something - most likely a smile, hope, entertainment and maybe something to eat.

My thoughts as we got to the island and as we were walking to the school where we would serve juice and cookies to the students were along the lines of "if I had to move here, this is where I'd want to live." It was much cooler than the other villages - lots of trees, a breeze from the ocean - but my thoughts changed as I went on throughout the day.

We visited the 'school' which was comparable to an area under a deck. There were about 40 desks and a dry erase board hanging from the ceiling in the front of the classroom. It had a hole in it. Something that would have been taken out of a classroom in the United States when it first cracked. The teacher at this school was less than ideal. Throughout the visit we learned that he occasionally shows up for class and we witnessed him get the heck out of there as soon as he saw that our group was entertaining the children and he didn't have to do anything. He didn't even take the time to have the kids get their backpacks out of the room, he was just going to lock everything inside and then once I said something, he made us carry everything out while he just stood there waiting to lock up.

The promotora for this community gave a short presentation and the children sang songs for us. It was precious. The songs were in Spanish, but the one song I caught on to was "I'm in the Lord's army." Following a few songs, each student got orange juice and a package of waffer cookies. The children were so excited to eat. A study had been done in this community that at least twice a month there is a five day period where the residents don't eat. Can you imagine not knowing if you are going to eat tomorrow or a week from now?

Promoters leading the children is songs. (See their board behind them)

This little girl carried her notebook around with her the entire time and was excited to learn.

Jessica serving juice to the children.

This little guy sat and ate all of his wafer cookies and juice. Even dipped the chocolate cookie in orange juice. Yuck.

A sweet little girl in the class.

After the snack we played Pato, Pato, Gonzo (Duck, Duck, Goose), which was hilarious. There was one little boy who just ran around the circle multiple times after goosing someone because he didn't understand that he just had to run to the empty spot in the circle.

Lacy, Jessica, and Audrey playing Pato, Pato, Gonzo.

Little boys climbing the trees.

Amanda was fixing this little boys belt.

Audrey's sidekick for the day - Marisol.

As we were wrapping up the game and getting ready to spend the afternoon at the beach, one of the little boys who had been climbing trees instead of playing the game fell out of the tree. The thought of one of them falling had crossed my mind earlier in the evening, but it was followed by "they play in these trees every day". The little guy broke his arm and all of the 40 kids were crowding around him while Angie (our host who is also a nurse) and two other members of our group who were paramedics were trying to help him out. I tried to get the kids to leave the area, but the language barrier and lack of discipline prevented that. With all of the chaos I got anxious and started having thoughts of how this boy was going to get to a hospital since we were on an island and the tide was in? Would he even be taken to the hospital? What kind of treatment would he actually get at the hospital we had toured a week earlier? Then I started to put myself in his place and started worrying about what could happen if I got sick or hurt. So basically, I had a full on panic attack and thought for sure that I was going to throw up. I tried to find someplace private to move to so that if I did throw up it wasn't in the middle of all this chaos. They certainly didn't need me to attend to as well.

I ended up finding a little tree stump and sat down by it facing away from all of the group. I was hot and dry heaving. Luckily one of the students on the trip came over to see if I was ok and was a great help. I was already in the process of calming myself down, but he fanned me with his hat and gave me some water. One of the first things he said to me was "You are sweating A LOT!" haha. That's saying something on this trip. His girlfriend also suffers from anxiety, so he's helped her thru multiple panic and anxiety attacks in the past. It was great to have someone sit beside me and understand what I was going thru, because that's never been the case before. Usually I'm told to "get over it" or left alone to deal with it by myself. After a few minutes (and the injured boy was taken home), I was fine and ready to get in the ocean. Huge shoutout to Nick!!

The ocean was wonderful. We were able to change at a house on the beach and eat lunch in the sand. The water was so warm. I have never been in a body of water this warm before. It was so nice. There weren't a lot of waves, so we could just relax and attempt to cool off. After about two hours, which went by really quickly, we started the journey back to our bus.

We didn't have a lot of beach, but I could have stayed in that water all day long!

The walk back was the hardest. A number of little children had been on the beach with us all day and a few of them were with their mom. I gave them all of the snacks I had in my bag - applesauce pouches and granola bars. I started to take a picture of the little boy eating my applesauce (inhaling it is a better term) and his mom came running at me with her infant daughter wanting me to take her photo. While I was doing that, I started thinking how this mom would never get this photo of her adorable baby but was so proud of her and wanted me to take her picture. I did so, and as I did the baby's sister came over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. I don't know what it was in that moment of love and pride, but I lost it and just started crying. I kept walking and crying and crying and walking.

A mama showing off her adorable baby, while big brother snacks on some applesauce.

If you look closely there is a boy up there knocking mangos off the tree.

We stopped to buy necklaces just a few houses down. I have a necklace from this lady that I got from my boss earlier this year. This lady had to stop making necklaces because she had run out of beads, so Dr. Cano brought her a few packages of beads.

Dr. Cano and the jeweler.

Me with the jeweler.

Outside this house was another little boy who just broke my heart. He was about 3 years old, he was so dirty and the shorts he was wearing were too big for him. He had on a belt, but the shorts didn't have belt loops. He just looked so sad and would not talk to anyone. One of our directors gone down and started talking to him on his level and I got the cutest shots of them.

Tyler giving the little boys a hug.

Tyler had this little guy give me a hug, which made me cry more!

On the walk out we saw two men making a new fishing line, which was really cool. More children were swimming in the water when we got to the edge of the island. A few girls kept following us and even though we didn't speak the same language, I feel like they just felt comforted by hanging around our group. One girl even was crying when we left. Was she crying because she was sad to see us go? Sad we didn't give her anything to eat? Sad we weren't taking her with us? I'll never know.

Right before we got on the boats to leave we saw this little boy sorting fishing line. He's seven years old. He looks like is around 4 or 5, but because of the malnutrition hasn't grown. He is working for a fisherman sorting fishing line and being paid two limperas a day. He was so proud of the work he was doing and was doing it with all of his heart as he was helping support his family. He was also really happy to smile for me when I asked to take a photo. Twenty limperas is about one US dollar, so he was working an entire day at sorting for two limperas, which is about 10 cents to us.

Men making a fishing net. They're sewing the net to the line.

There was a little girl on the island who is about 11/12 years old. She is raising her little sibling and a cousin. Her parents just left the island one night and never returned. There isn't a children services program set up in this country, so she is taking care of them herself. Can you imagine being 10 years old and raising your small, small siblings?

Audrey telling Marisol goodbye (for about the 10th time!) :)

Sorting fishing line.

That evening we went to Pizza Hut after dinner for ice cream (I had an oreo cheesecake) and I had a good discussion about anxiety with another student who has also been having issues with it. It's not fun and I don't wish it on anyone. Luckily my anxiety issues have been far a few between over the past few years.

Me with Lacy and Jessica at the fanciest Pizza Hut I've ever been to!

At our evening reflection it was a group consensus that visiting the island was a really tough experience. It really made you think about how many things you have to be grateful for in your own life. I overheard one student apologizing to her mom via FaceTime for being a spoiled brat and complaining about drawing water from the well for her animals. That day we had watched a small girl draw well water from the one well on the island for her family. At reflection, we also heard of the progress those who were making return visits to the island had seen over the past few years - houses with gardens, multiple houses with compost bins, etc. These were all projects OSU been working on in the past. When we visit, it's about educating and not just doing things for the villagers.

So Day 11was just a very emotional day. I wanted to remove myself from the situation so I didn't have to deal with my thoughts and emotions, but at the same time I never wanted to leave.