I've been working on this post for a bout three months now. I started in May. Added some picture captions later in June, and finally wrapped it up today (July 16, 2017). I'm back dating it to when these events really happened though. Mom, Molly, I know you won't want to read the first half, so just skip to the pictures at the bottom. Sorry.
So here we are at the end of May, and I'm just updating the first five months of 2017.
While it has been a very busy 2017, I think the main reason I have put off writing was because there were some things that I was going to write that I just wasn't ready to do.
In mid-January, my Papaw passed. (I got that sentence out before my eyes have welled up with tears.) He has been in and out of the hospital since October with fluid building up in his lungs. He had done a few trips to "bootcamp" (can't call it "rehab" because "that's for drug addicts") to get stronger, but he just wasn't making the progress that we had hoped. He wasn't back to being the Papaw that we knew. The one that never sat down for more than a few minutes, was always tinkering around at the barn or in the garden or driving around visiting random people.
When Mom called and shared they had taken him to the hospital and he wasn't doing well, I was shocked. I had just visited him the weekend before and he was so chatty. They had him on a liquid restricted diet and he was desperate for something to drink, however he was so funny about it. He said he had been so thirsty when he woke up that morning at 3am he couldn't go back to sleep. Finally at 5am he got the idea to call his nurse and say he needed to brush his teeth! :) We talked so much that day about random things. He told lots of stories and it was just a great little visit.
The evening that Mom called, I went home with my aunt. I cried a lot. I had no idea what to expect. When I got there however, he was eating dinner and chatting away. He spent a few more days in the ICU and then got moved down (or up? I don't know the correct term, but it was because he was better).
I visited him Saturday and Sunday. Both days he was in good spirits. Sunday he was out of bed and sitting in a chair watching the NFL playoffs. I had checked out a book at the library called "The Residence". It was stories from current and former White House staff about the different presidents and first families. One thing he loved was politics. He knew everything about them and leaned one way and there was no changing his mind no matter the person. He had his beliefs and he stuck to them.
(I stopped there for a while and now I'm back to finish - a few months later. I've been putting off the rest of it if you can tell.)
Monday morning I was sad. I cried a lot in bed the night before, I cried and moped around all morning. My family aren't big talkers so everyone just kept to themselves and didn't bring it up. Tyler had just gotten home earlier that morning from his trip to LA for the soccer conference, so he was sleeping on the couch. I went over to our neighbors. She and Erin had come up to the hospital on Thursday and again on Saturday to visit. And I just needed to visit with her and cry. So that's what I did. I sat on her couch with my head on her lap and just cried. I didn't know why I was so upset, because Papaw was doing ok. I guess I was just thinking of everything that was coming - would he go home or to a nursing home? If he went home would Mam be able to take care of him or would a nurse come? Would he sleep in his own bed or would a hospital bed be added? I was just sad that my grandpa, the strong man who had never been sick before other than a stomach bug here and there, who hated to be fussed over including telling my Mam the day before he was schedule to have back surgery that she needed to go with him to the hospital, he was just so weak. And I was sad because I knew what I had known for the last 30 years was not going to be the same ever again.
While I was at there, Mom called their house phone and told me we had to go to the hospital immediately. I changed from my pajama pants to my jeans, but kept on the same sweatshirt I'd been wearing all weekend - sleeping, lounging, everything. I drove Mom and Tyler to the hospital. I kind of went into a HBIC mode so Mom could do what she needed to do. Mam and Randy pulled in ahead of us and we all went upstairs. The nurses said he had a rough night and that he didn't have much longer.
The whole time we were there, he never woke up. I know he knew we were there because he kept waving his hands for us to leave. He didn't want us there sitting around him. He didn't like it when we visited him because he said there was something else we could be doing or "you don't need to come up here and sit." At that moment, there was no where else I would have ever wanted to be.
I have never seen my grandma so sad as she was that day sitting and holding his hand. She kept telling him he needed to get better so he could get home. And reminding him of things he had told her when she had been in the hospital a few years ago, saying "this is just a little bump for us."
Throughout the whole day, we just kind of moved back and forth from the room to the waiting room, some combination in there at all times. We talked to him and sometimes he'd answer with a grunt or a mumble, but he never opened his eyes or spoke. Because it was just a few days before the presidential inauguration, that was a topic of a lot of conversations. Papaw was not a Trump fan at all. So he was restless and I asked him if he wanted us to quick talking about Trump and he mumbled yes. :) So we quit.
The nurses had given him some medicine since he was getting restless and it calmed him down. It was pretty much dark outside and it was just me, Randy and Mam sitting in the room talking. We had all the lights out, so we were also in the dark. I moved from the couch beside mam to Papaws side and sat there holding his hand for a long time. I'm sure he hated that. He was not someone to show affection or hold hands. After a while I couldn't see his chest moving from his breaths, but I could see his heart beating in his neck. I sat there holding his hand for a long time and talking to him, Mam and Randy. Eventually I couldn't see the heart beat in his neck anymore. I saw there for a long time and didn't say anything. I couldn't. I didn't want to even think that maybe he was gone. Maybe it was just me. Time passed and when the nurse stopped in to check on his and ask if was resting ok, I didn't say anything. But then when Randy said he was "resting really well" I knew I had to say something to the nurse. I took her outside because I didn't want to say anything out loud in front of Mam. They came in and were checking his vitals, but I could tell by the way they were both looking at each other that they couldn't find a pulse. I had to tell Mam that Papaw was gone. Then Mom walked in and I had to tell her and I had to go get Amy, and Tyler and my dad. And later, I would have to call Molly and tell her. It was the hardest thing I have ever done.
My Papaw was gone.
Tyler and I went to Cincy the next morning and picked up Molly from the airport. Tyler and I had hard cries a few times on the way down there. I knew I was sad, but watching my brother cry was the hardest.
The funeral was nice. So many of his work freinds from DuPont came. Mom and I stood at the casket while Amy and Bill worked the line. When someone would come up to us and introduce themselves they would always say "Jack always called me.......". I wish we would have put a note at the guestbook for everyone to write their name as well as the nickname that Papaw had for them, because he had some good ones. And then maybe we'd know who was who. :) They also shared a lot of stories about him - all good ones. I knew he was ornery, but I had no idea until I started hearing stories from his former co-workers! They all shared the same theme though, they enjoyed working with him no matter what the job was because he made it fun. That was my grandpa.
Molly made the tape that played while we greeted guests. It was a mix of Papaw's favorites - Marty Robbins, Harper Valley PTA, Johnny Cash, and songs that reminded us of Papaw - Daddy's Hands, Delta Dawn, A Father's Love and a few others. We got a lot of compliments saying the music was nice and reminded them of Papaw.
At the cemetery there was a short scripture reading, which was actually the same scripture I was studying at that time in my bible study.
"And Jesus answered them, saying, The hour is come, that the Son of man should be glorified. Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit. He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal. If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my Father honour." - John 12:23-26
Since Papaw was a veteran of the Navy, the American Legion conducted their graveside services and presented the flag that had been on his coffin to Mam. There was also a 21 gun salute along with the playing of taps.
Normally, this would be very formal, but being from the small town that I am, there was of course something that was informal about it. The guy that red, was also part of the five who fired (so a 15 gun salute?) and he also "played" taps. I when I say "played", he held the trumpet up to his mouth like hew as playing, but a radio thing in the bell of the horn actually played a recording. I know this because he started to "play" and nothing came out and as he was looking into the bell of the trumpet, it started playing. -_- I started giggling so hard. Papaw would have done the same, so I didn't feel so bad laugh-crying about this.
I guess I went into a lot more detailed that I planned to write this post. I didn't want to not post about it. I didn't want to skip over it and post about other stuff. I didn't want to vaguely mention it. I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I knew I didn't feel right posting other stuff without getting all of this in a post first. So I've been working on it for about three months now.
Today is actually 6 months since his passing. I can't believe it's been that long. But at the same time, it feels like an eternity. Father's Day wasn't that hard, but driving his truck for the first time the day before was awful. I had a break down at the IHOP in Waco, TX on vacation a few weeks ago because I suddenly thought about his cooler of pop that he'd take to the fair that he kept shut with a piece of a dowel rod, even though we'd gotten him a new cool, and the cases of pop he'd always bring down to us - every kind: Dr. Pepper, Mt. Dew, diet Mt. Dew, diet caffeine free Dr. Pepper, grape pop, Orange Crush, diet rite..... whatever was on sale at Kroger! He always had a stash of pop in the garage. Another breakdown at the Clipper's game last week when a friend asked me about the bracelet I was wearing (Molly got me a bracelet that has my name on it, but it's in Papaw's handwriting). And the another today thinking about the upcoming Pike County Fair.
I miss him so much.
 |
| My girlfriends sent beautiful flowers. |
 |
| Stacie and Ellen sent beautiful flowers to me at work when I returned. |
The following weekend I took the girls on their Christmas gift outing. I stopped doing physical gifts with the girls a few years ago and started doing experiences. I've visited them in DC, we went to a farm, we've gone painting at a pottery studio, to get ice cream and Chick-fil-A. All fun things that have nice memories attached.
This year the plan was to take them to see the Broadway musical "The Little Mermaid" when it was in town. However, I could never commit to purchasing tickets because of Papaw being in and out of the hospital. It worked out that the junior high in their neighborhood was doing "School House Rock, Junior" and they had gotten to see a few songs when the cast visited their elementary. It was closer to home and the tickets were $8 versus $80, and they really wanted to go to that over TLM, so I said "sure".
 |
| Hanging out in the parking lot before it was show time. |
The show as good. $8 was a little steep for the cost of the ticket, but the girls saw lots of friends from school and that made me happy.
 |
| Ready for the show to start! |
It was really different than the one last year, but the mission was still the same: a prom-like event to give teens and adults with disabilities a "night to shine" and be a king and queen.
While we were lining the red carpet and guests were arriving, I got picked out of the crowd by a guy who would end up being my date ("buddy") for the rest of the night. He liked to dance and he really loved on the ladies. At one point in the evening another couple "got engaged" during the dance and they got announced on the dance floor and had a special song play for them. Well, not to be outstaged.......he and I also got engaged. At first I thought he'd dropped his key again (he'd done that earlier when he was break dancing), but nope, he was getting down on one knee to propose. Luckily, I was a good sport and went along with it as he told every single person we saw the rest of the night that we were getting married. (I even moved my ring over to that finger, so I had some bling!)
Although later in the evening when we went on our limo ride (my first one ever) I had to put up some firm barriers that we were not married and he could not put his hand on my leg!!!!
 |
| Engagement Photos |
 |
| Molly and I following the dance. |
 | ||||||
| A really, really large Oak Tree. |
A few other events from February and March:
- Avery played a few basketball tournament games and I got to catch one at Valley.
 |
| Go Avery! |
- I went to Wapak with the girls to visit Meg's store and have a girls night dinner. We ate a yummy place in downtown, but I forget the name. Whatever it's called, it's across from the awesome antique mall and this ham sandwich is AMAZING!
 |
| The bred! The ham! The cheese! |
- I presented at the Ohio 4-H Conference again this year and my little cousin randomly attended my session. Then I got to see his sister too. At one point I was taller than both of them!
 |
| Cute Belair kids. |
- I've been spending a lot of Sunday's at my grandma's and one day I went thru a photo book that Lauren had made my grandma a few years ago for Christmas. The picture below was taken during one of our sleepovers at their house. We're on an air mattress in the living room. I don't know how we all slept on that, but we did. (And I'm a nice awkward 12-13 years old in this picture.)
 |
| Lauren looks so thrilled to be part of the fam. |
- And as a wrap-up for the first few months of March, we celebrated Abra's birthday on St. Patrick's Day with a pub crawl in Delaware. One stop had a lady painting faces, so I hoped in on that and got some Irish sparkle on my face.
 |
| Happy Birthday Abra! May 32 be a great year for you! |
No comments:
Post a Comment